My friend Paul has been gone for four years now. My life is really different than it was four years ago.
The only things that come to mind as I reflect on that are too depressing to pass along.
Still, things loop around. When I went to the hospital with him the day before he died, I took my copy of Erdea Manor, prepping it to run. And I was in the final stages of putting out The World Between for Fictive Hack. Last night, I played The World Between for Fictive Hack run by a friend of mine. He ran an adapted version of Erdea Manor placed in Caligari in the fictional setting.
I’ve made some new friends, and deepened other friendships, but… Paul was not one in a million. Some cities have millions of people in them, and so could have several of Paul. He was the only one.
It is a deliciously dank and drizzly November day, and I realize I’m almost a month behind in specifically reflecting on his life. I lost him four years ago now. My own life has been chaotic this last month, with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like Paul was the fourth engine on my jet; I can stay aloft with three, and fly in a straight line, but it’s a lot harder.
Next week is my first full week at the new job. As I’m settling in to a new set of circumstances even further from what Paul would recognize, I’ll bear him in mind. It’s not so much that he’s missing out on all the things I’m up to–no, it’s more that all the things I’m up to are missing out on him.
Rest well, my friend. As for me, I suppose I’ve still got some miles to go while I’m here.